Thursday, August 15, 2013

What Gives You the Right to Judge a Mom?

I don't normally post things like this on here but this is something that's been weighing heavy on my chest. Judgmental moms are my biggest pet peeve and I've seen so much of them trolling around Facebook lately. It really makes me sick to my stomach. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that is my everything. Am I the perfect mother? Not by any means, but I'm sure as hell going to do my best to make sure this kid has everything she'll ever need and then some.

As much as I'd like to, I can't put my daughter in a bubble to protect her. Has she fractured her arm from jumping off the couch? Yes. Has she fallen a million times and scraped up her knees? Yes. Has she tried to ride the dogs like a pony and bumped her head or busted her lip open? Yes. Does that make me a bad mom? NO. It means my daughter is fearless and that I have to watch her closely but I can't protect her from everything. She has to learn a little on her own and figure out that there's certain things she can't do. All children fall, all the time actually. Mine just happens to be a spitting image of her mother; extremely clumsy!

My biggest issue with judgmental moms is when they judge other mothers on the decisions they make concerning their terminally ill child. I follow a few "fan" pages for terminally ill children and I ran across a picture of one of the children eating a candy bar bigger than their own body. The comments I read underneath that post were disturbing. "This is why America is so fat", "No wonder your child's so fat", "Great role model for all your followers. Teaching America's children that it's okay to be a fatty". What gives anyone the right to sit there and say that?!

FIRST OF ALL... if you knew anything about this family, you would know that the child is dying of an inoperable brain tumor. Who gives a flying sh*t if the kid is eating a million calories? How does this really affect other's lives? Shouldn't a child that is slowly dying have the opportunities to live life to the fullest? What gives? SECOND OF ALL... if you have any common sense than you would know that most children that are very sick are likely on steroids and a million other medications. That child was not fat, he was bloated from all the meds he's on! Get a clue, people!

Have you read Talia's bucket list? So many people are accomplishing many things on her bucket list in her honor and some of the comments I see are extremely disrespectful. "She shouldn't be wearing those clothes or so much make-up", "What makes her so special? Who cares if she's dead?". I care! I FREAKING CARE! Talia was a huge inspiration to many young girls and deserves to honored. It's not about her make-up tutorials for me or being an honorary Cover Girl. It's about showing young women that you are beautiful and special no matter what. It's about proving to young women that they can accomplish anything and to not let anyone stand in their way. It's about empowering young women to chase their dreams. And it's about showing everyone that life is way too short so we must make the best of it no matter our age.

Don't you think these mother's of terminally ill children have enough on their minds than having to worry about what other people are saying? Don't you think these mothers are hurting enough inside? Is it really necessary to hurt them anymore than their already hurting? I think not. There is absolutely no reason to bully a mother who's about to lose the most important person in her life.

I don't know what it's like to lose a child and I pray to God I never have to find out. It has to be the most scary, gut wrenching, heart breaking, and devastating thing that could ever happen to a mother. I sit here at night and think; I worry about something ever happening to my child and I just know it would be next to impossible to go on with life. This isn't something that just goes away with time. The death of a child will stick with you forever and hurt just as long.

Instead of wasting your time judging another mother's decisions on how to raise their children or bullying the mother of a terminally ill child, try to find something better to do with your time. Maybe volunteer for the family of a terminally ill child, become a bone marrow donor at Be the Match, or volunteer for the Gold Hope Project. You could even donate money to any juvenile cancer research fund like Alex's Lemonade Stand, St. Jude Children's Research HospitalSt. Baldrick's, the ACCO, Give Kids the World Village, Cure Search, People Against Childhood Cancer, or to any of the wish granting foundations like Make-A-WishHunt of a Lifetime, and Sunshine Foundation. There's so many other things you could be spending your energy on, good things.

We need to give these helpless feeling mothers strength and a shoulder to cry on, not our useless and uneducated opinions. There's no reason to bully an already vulnerable mother. The next time you decide to "put in your two cents", please reconsider. PLEASE take that hurting mother's feelings into account and instead praise her on what a wonderful mother she is for doing everything she possibly can to make her dying child happy and unafraid.

Don't forget...

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13 comments:

  1. Im not judgemental and as a mom of a severely handicapped Ive learned to take peoples ignorance with a grain of salt. Those who have terminal kids have learned to avoid conflict because those of us in that boat know we are a true inspiration to our kids. I dont care what someones opinion is of my parenting style, walk in my shoes for one day then judge me.

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  2. I just remember my mom telling me that someone expressed concern over what her mother was eating one day at the nursing home. My mom said the dr said she's 80 years old let her eat what she wants. It made sense. She wasn't going to be getting up and walking out of there. Let her do what makes her happy. Only problem is the people reading your post or these comments are not the ones that probably need to be!

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  3. Very true! Feel free to share it and maybe it will come across the right people one day.

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  4. Michele Thereviewchic VaughnAugust 16, 2013 at 1:59 AM

    I understand even tho I am not a mother. I agree that the mothers need support and others tearing them down. They are already going through so much!

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  5. Preach! I agree with everything you said girl - No one has the right to judge anyone.

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  6. My being a mother of a special needs child, people judge me all the time! But, I smile and walk away. They will never know the joy my son brings me on a daily basis. I agree, these judgemental people should try to help. Fix a meal, have a playdate with my child or any other that may need that special friend. Walk an hour in my shoes or that of any mother in a like situation. OH, and if you decide you want to question my upbringing of my child, check yourself at the door, or I will. I have ranted about the fact that some questioned what my child eats. If he wants a candy bar or a corn dog, I'm pretty sure he is going to get it. Kudos to you for writing about a child whose life is probably going to be cut short and needs support, not snide comments!

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  7. With total disregard to how their statements affect others people open their mouths and just let the garbage flow out, hurtful, spiteful, down right mean,,,,they don't stop to "walk a mile in my shoes". It they took the time to look closely in the mirror, they just might ask themselves, "when did I get to be like this?" "What in my life has made me, judgmental, mean, uncaring, rude?" Social media seems to bring the worst out in people, not being face to face with another, they seem to get very bold in what they do and say to others, for me it just boggles the mind. We see it all over, like the examples you have shown and written about it's usually uncalled for, and totally crosses the line! It's a shame to have become such a mean spirited, judgemental society, and we can only hope there are more good people in the world then the idiots you have pointed out! I applaud you for speaking out, the last thing these Mom's (families) need is bashing by others who are clueless! Karma can be a real BITCH, and for their sake they better hope she does not come knocking! People, learn to keep your mouth's shut, and/or your fingers off the keyboard. Worry about your children, and how your raising them, because if this is the example your setting, you have your own issues to be dealing with!

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  8. The hateful morons that troll the internet and vomit their poison in the comments section are not worth anyone's time. Hopefully the parents of these ill children realize this. It sickens me that there are this many idiotic losers out there, but I do occasionally encounter them in the real world. Like the time a man rammed me repeatedly in the checkout line with a grocery cart on purpose because he thought I was a "fat pig." Of course, he ended up running from the store in shame when I turned around and in a loud voice declared, "I am 9 months pregnant, you (bad word)." Of course, it is appalling that he thought it would be OK to assault a fat woman in the first place. Also, my son is high-functioning autistic, so he "looks OK" (yep, people say this), but he has some quirky behaviors when he gets over-stimulated that set people to staring or commenting about how I "need to control him." or "whip his butt to make him mind."

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  9. Patricia WoolvertonAugust 16, 2013 at 6:59 AM

    Sing it girlfriend!!! Very well said. I hate that people are so judgmental. Until they walk a day in those peoples shoes they have no clue and should not say anything. To sit there and say things to a dying childs family is rude and ignorant. Great post and Kudos for sticking up for them!!.

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  10. I grew up in a very small town that had an overabundance of Nosy Parkers. At the ripe ole age of 16, I decided that if I could look myself in the mirror every morning and know I was trying my best to do the right thing, hang the busybodies!



    Bless them - they need all the blessings they can get! Trust that what goes around does come around - even if you don't know when - it will. Rejoice that we are not like them and have a real life!

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  11. As the mother of a child with cancer, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting yourself in our shoes. We work hard to spread the kind of awareness you just spread.

    My son, on steroids and heavy, heavy chemo (which makes everything taste horrible) ate nothing but Doritos for 3 days straight, once. When you have to choose between that and a feeding tube, you do what you have to do. I put better limits on his eating when his treatment allows, but it really is a huge struggle.

    If, heaven forbid, his illness became terminal, I don't think I'd give a second thought to food. I would just want to spend as much time with him as I could. Also, you're right, the steroids make them huge, and they make them crave crazy things. They also increase my son's prognosis by 10%. It's a love/hate relationship.

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  12. Alice Brady SillisAugust 17, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    Thank you for your support and defense of the survivors and families who are dealing with childhood cancer. This is truly the situation that no parent ever wants to face or even imagine happening to their child." I applaud you for also supporting families by following their pages which mark their journey. As your blog post states, bringing awareness about this type of journey has it's unintended dark and evil side when the unintelligent and often cruel people comment on topics that they could never understand. I admire your feelings of anger toward the unfeeling and petty who send such vitriol to the parents and kids who are going through this horrific journey. I am the Mom of a 23 year old survivor of childhood cancer and I too lend support to many families who are in the fight as well as those who write in , via their internet posts on Facebook and CaringBridge, who are currently in treatment, recovery or who remember their loved children. Your kindness and courage in championing the vulnerable is commendable and heartfelt. My daughter was a teen when diagnosed and my husband and I, along with her brother, had strengths and resources to help her. Yet, we were still very vulnerable due to the shock and fears that such a crisis creates... We, and my daughter, were supported by friends, loving family; the great staff and many other people throughout her 2 year treatment and her recovery. She was a strong girl who was intelligent and had many coping skills gained through age and experiences yet was extremely vulnerable because of the ravages of her disease. It is very brave of parents to share their journey through the internet but as you have seen, the content of comments can be very cruel. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for supporting the many charities that are so vital to research and support of families and the survivors. Thank you also for spreading awareness about childhood cancer awareness month. As my daughter says, she would never have chosen cancer but it did make her stronger and helped her to mature. She realized that she has a responsibility to give back and help. That is one of the many benefits of this journey. That and the fantastic people she, and we her family, have met during the past 5 years.

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